Picky Eating & Autism: Routines that make Mealtimes Better
Maybe your child likes to take a certain route to granny’s. Maybe they insist on sitting in a particular chair for meals. Maybe they’re thrown for a loop if you change the order of the bedtime routine or if you skip going to the park for one afternoon.
However they show it, kids with autism tend to be pretty keen on routines. In fact, repeated and repetitive behaviors is one of the core features of ASD. While this preference towards sameness does mean that working on flexibility is extra important for your child, it also creates an excellent opportunity for you to teach….using the structure of routines.
Using routines to teach appropriate mealtime behaviors can result in better eating, easier transitions to the table, and fewer battles.
1. Make the time of meals for your child with autism routine.
If your child is busy at play and doesn’t know a meal is upcoming, they may whine, refuse to transition, or even throw a tantrum when you interrupt to call them to the table. Make sure your child is never surprised by a meal or snack time by sprinkling your mealtimes predictably into their day. For example, embed breakfast at a reliable point in the morning routine such as after getting dressed and before brushing teeth. Other meals might reliably follow other specific activities such as after watching a morning program, after nap time, or following playtime outside.
Another way to make the actual time of meals more routine and predictable is to invite your child to do the same activity immediately before each meal and snack time. You might have your child transition to drawing at the table or you could play a familiar song before it’s time to eat. These are also things that can engage your child nearby where you can keep an eye on them while you meal prep. Over time, your child will learn that mom always provides a meal after they do that specific activity or hear that playlist.
2. Make a routine sequence of steps for starting and ending a meal.
At the beginning of every meal, lead your child through the same few steps. These might be as simple as selecting a plate or other utensils, washing hands, putting on a bib, and getting seated at the table. These familiar steps will help your child prepare for what’s to come.
Likewise, at the end of the meal, engage in the same clean-up routine every time. Perhaps you want your child to wash hands again and wipe their face. Maybe you want your kiddo to help take dishes to the sink, to push in their chair, or to throw away trash.
These sequences can be made easier for your child to learn and follow by doing a few things:
Make the steps visual.
You can draw pictures of the steps or take photos on your phone of the materials needed for each step in the routine. When it’s time to do the routine, show these pictures to your child.If you need help with creating something visual, there are a lot of great routine cards on Etsy you can buy and print for a low cost. See an example in the Other Resources section below.
Offer clear instructions to your child by using concise sentences.
For example, for washing hands, you can say, “It’s time to wash your hands.” It's simple, directive, and to the point. And very different from something like this: “Your food is almost ready, can you go to the bathroom and wash your hands after your brother is done washing his hands?” This example is wordy, confusing, and multi-step.Get close.
When it’s time for your child to engage in their pre or post-meal routine, show and/or tell them the steps to take when you are standing close by. This way, you can help guide your child through the steps if they don’t respond to your instruction. If you’re across the room, it will be hard to help them start taking action quickly.
3. Conduct the meal in a routine way.
Is your child allowed to have toys at the table? Can they watch TV or a show? Will you give them more of a food if they ask? How long do they need to stay seated at the table? Can they decide when they are done or do you? Make these decisions in advance, discuss them with your partner or other caregivers, and then follow through on your decisions.
There’s no better way to curb mealtime battles than being consistent. If your child doesn’t know for sure whether they can have Daniel Tiger during breakfast, then they are more likely to ask. If sometimes you say yes and sometimes you say no, then they are more likely to be disappointed at times when you say no.
Now, you might be thinking that the reason you waiver on these decisions is that you’re not actually sure what the BEST decision is. Maybe you’re wishing that someone else would write the script or tell you what to do. If that’s the case, let me tell you: There is no one perfect way to conduct a meal, and what’s best for your child may not be what’s best for another child.
Do I have general recommendations about these topics? Yes.
Will I share them here on the blog? Yep!
But more important than being perfect is being consistent. So, start with your values. Make the decisions based on how you want meals to look, and then try. If you find that what you’re doing is not working for your child, then make a change. You can be a predictable parent and still be one that grows and adapts. This is different than not having a plan and changing meal by meal.
Other resources:
Using Visual Supports with Young Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder
Example of visual routine pictures you can purchase
How will you use routines?
Now that you have some ideas flowing on how to make your child with autism routines, tell me your thoughts! What are some ways you want to start incorporating routines into your child’s mealtimes? I’d love to know in the comments below.
